I used to think it funny when people would offer apologies when someone you're close to passes away. "I'm sorry for your loss" is such a cliche. Why would you even want to apologise? It's not your goddamn fault. If it was, the last thing I would want to do is listen to what you have to say.

A year ago someone very close to me lost his father. Despite knowing that I had nothing to do about it, I apologised for his loss. I was lost for words. I didn't know what to say, so I resorted to the old cliche. "I'm sorry to hear that". Today afternoon, another person I've known for a very long time lost her mother. Even though I don't know her too well (she's more of a friend of a friend) I sent her a message saying I was sorry to hear about her loss.

The reason we apologise, the reason we say we're sorry, is because there is no alternative. I'm sad to hear about your loss? You're not sad. You're sad for me but you're not sad yourself. And any variation in degree of the word just doesn't cut it. We cannot possibly empathise with a person who's lost a loved one. So we apologise at our inability to do so. We show sympathy and verbalise our emotions by using the five letter word. We're sorry because there really is nothing, despite all our technology and our power to move mountains, to explore distant planets, to split atoms and reclaim the land from the sea, that allows us to lessen the burden of grief from a fellow human being.